Boonie

I don't know very much about cricket except England won the world cup in 1966 (boom, as they say, boom.)

However in Australia recently I learnt all about legendary Auzzie player David "Boonie" Boon, who is revered not only for his batting skill but for apparently drinking 52 cans of beer on the flight between Sydney and London (not so hard - I had four pints of wicked strength cider and fell asleep on the train to Reading last night, so who's tougher?) Anyway, although they claimed it was for his sporting achievements rather than his drinking prowess, Victoria Bitter (VB) chose Boonie to spearhead their recent advertising campaign. Part of VB's promotion was to make thousands of little plastic Boonie figurines - you'd buy a beer and a little plastic Boonie. There was a cheerfully racist TV ad showing Bonnie swatting away a New Zealander (accompanied by a sheep and surprised baa) and a Pom (very fey man in policeman's helmet) to get to his little Boonie toy. Placed next to the TV when the cricket was on, the Boonie figure would apparently make little comments and speak to you as the match played - probably along the lines of "Time for a VB", "Drink more VB", "Have some VB or you're a poof", "Drink you morons! Drink!" etc.

Anyway, we made much of the Boonie toy's sinister potential when we were down under - "OBEY BOONIE OR DIE" - so it was quite a shock the other day to reach into the bottom of our laundry basket and discover a Bonnie statuette amongst the washing.

It was a relief to realise we hadn't been carrying around a six inch plastic toy in our undergarments (steady) since Australia and forgotten about it. Harriet's Auntie Jean had discreetly hidden Boonie in the house on her recent visit. So now Boonie (technically an illegal immigrant) sits beside my desk awaiting activation. Sadly, I don't the signal will travel thousands of miles across the globe, so I'll just finish by saying *DRINK MORE VB YOU POMMY POOFTAS*.