1, 2, 3 ... CLEAR!
With a crack and a fizzle and a pair of humming defibrillators attached to my temples, I bring this largely inactive blog back to life. I haven't been posting due to many reasons - work, holidays, the summer - but largely because I thought a) "I can't be bothered" and b)"Who gives a toss?" However, appeals to my vanity from at least two people mean that Lazarus-like, this stupid blog is reborn. Anyway, it seems everyone is on Myspace now, which I don't really understand how to use. I thought I was cutting-edge with a blog, but now I'm nearly 30 and my time is gone. Anyway, I am scornful of such a transparent "look how popular I am" contest - I wouldn't get involved in such a thing. Here is my Myspace page.
Perhaps the most traumatic event of the summer was having to beat a large and rather beautiful jay to death with a cheeseboard. On holiday in Spain a small stray cat took a fancy to us, and each morning left a little offering on the villa doormat. It started with a mouse, moved up to a lizard - and on the third day a beautiful bird, traumatised, shaking and with its leg hanging off, was twitching on the veranda. It was never going to fly again and would have suffered a slow and lingering death - do you understand? I HAD NO OPTION.
I have seen my mother-in-law's husband - a hardy, country man - twist off a chicken's head without barely flicking an eyelid. Why then did my attempt to put the poor thing out of its misery turn into a scene from an 80's video nasty? I had to whack it three times. Stuff went up the wall. Oh God.
I like to think this mortifying event has been part of the cause of my writer's block, probably. Still, at least it's now off my chest and on to everyone else's. I am only glad that these wildlife offerings started appearing right at the very end of the holiday. We left after the bird. It seemed the tiny cat was capable of capturing and injuring creatures much larger than itself. Had we stayed any longer I might have had to stove in a Spanish baby or something.
Anyway, as tribute and to keep any animal protection organisations off my back, here is a picture of a jay in tribute:
Perhaps the most traumatic event of the summer was having to beat a large and rather beautiful jay to death with a cheeseboard. On holiday in Spain a small stray cat took a fancy to us, and each morning left a little offering on the villa doormat. It started with a mouse, moved up to a lizard - and on the third day a beautiful bird, traumatised, shaking and with its leg hanging off, was twitching on the veranda. It was never going to fly again and would have suffered a slow and lingering death - do you understand? I HAD NO OPTION.
I have seen my mother-in-law's husband - a hardy, country man - twist off a chicken's head without barely flicking an eyelid. Why then did my attempt to put the poor thing out of its misery turn into a scene from an 80's video nasty? I had to whack it three times. Stuff went up the wall. Oh God.
I like to think this mortifying event has been part of the cause of my writer's block, probably. Still, at least it's now off my chest and on to everyone else's. I am only glad that these wildlife offerings started appearing right at the very end of the holiday. We left after the bird. It seemed the tiny cat was capable of capturing and injuring creatures much larger than itself. Had we stayed any longer I might have had to stove in a Spanish baby or something.
Anyway, as tribute and to keep any animal protection organisations off my back, here is a picture of a jay in tribute:
posted by Nick at 6:42 AM
3 Comments:
Are you sure it wasn't a Hoopoe - the novice bird whacker can sometimes confuse them?
I couldn't tell as its brains went up my arm. Oh god the guilt.
okay see you at nine - T
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